How to Overcome Fear and Become Self-confident?


In this article you won’t find a regular recipe on the improvement of life. Moreover, there will be no proofs that fear is bad, harmful and isn’t necessary at all. The victory over it is, just the opposite, understanding of its value and place in the world.

Where are fears generated?

For a start let’s look at a simple model of life. If we draw a straight horizontal line, then it will be the line of time which passes from the past through the present moment (a point on the straight line) to the future. Once there was birth, there will be death – these are the facts we have. Each person thinks, and using thoughts perceives life in this horizontal measurement: he has memories of the past and plans for the future. It is the line of imagination, hopes, expectations. The fear lives on it, and all types of fears are generated from the primary fear — the fear of death. And death is a function of time.

Now we will draw a vertical line through the point of the present moment. It is the second dimension of human life in which there are neither thoughts, nor plans, nor memories. Because there is no time in it. The vertical line is the line of feelings. When a person is in this dimension, he “forgets” about everything. It happened to all of us more than once.

For example, a person has fallen in love and is near the object of love. Or the person is strongly keen on something – it is the feeling of passion. Or he is just relaxing: he lies on a massage table, on the beach or just sits at the movie theater and watches a fascinating film.

But suddenly the date, business meeting or holiday ends and the person starts to think about current vital problems: tomorrow he has to get up early for work, he has to pay for the apartment, and the child behaves badly. Our character has left the vertical line and stuck on the horizontal one. Now the fear controls him while he fails to realize that. The loss of work and apartment are accompanied by poverty and hunger, and the disobedient child by broken expectations and the sagging of the meaning of life. “I am a bad mother” or “I am a bad father,” my child doesn’t obey me. Thus, the fear doesn’t allow your hierarchy of needs to fall, by cementing its base: physical survival, safety, communication with other people and responsibility.

Fear in a force majeure situation

We will consider another situation within our model: a person comes back home in the evening, and a robber suddenly jumps out of the bushes and menaces her with a gun. What occurs then?

The first and only thought of the potential victim is about death. It is instant and “moves” the person to the vertical line of feelings because during this moment neither the past, nor the future don’t matter anymore. This is what happens in any extreme situation.

Feelings, emotions seize the victim; fear has only one function — to save you from death at any cost. And depending on the character of the victim, she will either give all money and clothes to the robber or knock him with a heavy handbag on the head. Anyway, the person will survive especially reflecting the part that the robber had a toy gun. But the fear was real.

Next day the victim goes the same road … and she is afraid that the robber will jump out of the bushes again! That’s the way in which the horizontal timeline works.

As we see, fear is an indispensable attribute of the survival of any being. However, people can’t help thinking, this means that they allow a great deal of unnecessary fears generated by projections, imaginations, beliefs, manias to enter their life. Psychotherapists will at once find a key to healing from causeless phobias. Put simply, you can become self-confident if you change your attitude towards death, and, therefore, to your life, and personal time. How to succeed in it?

Don't be afraid to change your life for the better

How to overcome fear?

Both mind and feelings play a significant role in everybody’s life. To get into the vertical dimension people have applied various means since ancient times: up to the refusal from “Ego” as recommend by many esoteric doctrines that are popular nowadays. But what is a person without egoism? We don’t recommend you to do something like that.

But to overcome your fear you can try the following five steps, they are very simple but surprisingly effective at the same time.

  1. Add some simple sensual pleasures

We authorize all except doping and extreme! Of course, you should keep within bounds and follow safety rules. You can look — these are spectacular pleasures, listen to the music, singing of birds, voices of children, smell the aromas of nature and food, eat — this is the most important taste related to the basic human need. You can perceive by sex and any tactile contact.

Some will object: “We don’t have time for that!”. They are slaves of the horizontal line. They fly their whole life from themselves into the future or the past. How can they have sex or a pleasant breakfast? They are lucky if they manage to snatch a sandwich and run to work, there are so many tasks, problems, and expectations …

  1. Permit the life to go its way

The main concept here is a so-called dark side or shadow. Life is both black and white; there are pleasure and grief, pleasure and pain, health and illness. One can’t survive without the other. Everybody understands that but seeks to reduce the quantity of the dark side in their life. The death is hidden deeply in this shadow. But to get to the bottom of it, it is necessary to accept simpler facts at first.

We can begin with fear. To recognize that the fear exists that you can be afraid is already half the battle. You gain force by permitting yourself to be weak, courage by recognition of your vulnerability. Then you should face anger, rage, envy and other sins. Everyone has them, and if we get irritated when we see it in others, it means we have not accepted the idea that we also have this flaw. These feelings are also parts of the life.

  1. Get free of debts

You say to yourself “I Owe Myself and Others,” this is how we hide our real feelings. The people who consider their life a debt they need to pay off become sluggish and boring.

You should say, “I Want to Live as I Want”, and this is no teenage maximalism, but a step on the way to overcoming the fear to feel guilty to yourself and those to whom you “owe,” first of all, to your parents, children, and spouse. It doesn’t mean that you should give up your job and run away to a desert island. It means that you can afford at least two days off a week and that you can answer “no” to any claims for your personal territory without admission.

You should understand that your fear is natural, that it is essential for your survival

  1. Change the scenery

And also test everything new, that is not legally forbidden. You should travel as often as you can, walk, move from one place to another. It is better to get a new experience and regret, than not to try and regret. It helps a lot in overcoming shame. This also contributes to overcoming fear: if you get out of your comfort zone, your life will change a lot! You won’t be afraid of all that frightened you earlier. It concerns the most fundamental things, from a taxi drive on your own to visit to an opera theatre in jeans.

  1. Be aware that some things are inevitable

Everything can end at any time. It is sad, but it also exempts from the majority of fears. The sense of death creates the vertical dimension; it gives feelings and the taste of life. Immortality is senseless; your death is prearranged by nature. The current of time is inevitable! Don’t lose your Ego, common sense or plans for the future! You shouldn’t try to tame your feelings or control your emotions. Life is a harmonious business; any extremes can only bring chaos.

You will never overcome your fear completely because it is necessary for the survival. Self-confidence will come with the understanding that now you have to live life to the fullest.


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