As years go by, the list of offenders, bitter memories and disappointments is growing longer. To remember each bad word in your address is not the best choice. Only if you forgive the offender, you will get rid of the overwhelming pain.
№1 Make the right decision
The main thing in forgiveness is to understand that it is important personally for you, not for your offender. “I hate you! I will never forgive!” — you shout while calling to your boyfriend who has cheated on you with your best friend. “As you wish!” — this is what he is going to answer you. While you charge yourself with the freight of offenses and sufferings, feel sorry for yourself and cry yourself to sleep, he will live happily ever after. Don’t keep the reminiscence of the offender in your soul, don’t poison your heart. You should better rejoice that you have learned he is unfaithful now, it is far worse to find that out when you have lived with the wrong person a whole life. Raze the offender from your life, remove bad memories. The first step to forgiveness is to make the decision.
№2 Learn the lesson
The events which take place in our life are vital lessons. They are not always pleasant, in most cases they leave bitter after-taste, however, they also bring the greatest benefit.
Let’s cite a simple example: the errant boyfriend we spoke about in the first point. In the flush of youth we pursue some standards that are imposed to us. We like charismatic men who dress well, have prestigious cars and eat at expensive restaurants. We don’t pay attention to modest admirers who are ready to wait for us for hours and to execute all our whims.
As we grow older, having passed through a lot of disappointments, offenses and breaches of faith, we understand that the social status of the man isn’t important for happiness. The main thing is to have feeling for him. And then we can only learn from our own mistakes.
№3 Give vent to your emotions
Forgiveness is not a banal refusal to have emotions. Even if your feelings are bitter, you should not quench your anger towards the offender. If you do, you will only keep them in your soul as in a safe, until they break loose.
In order to learn to forgive, you should understand and overcome your emotions, you have to share your feelings with someone — with the best friend, a psychologist, mother. If your secret is too intimate, write it on paper. With a cup of herbal tea in hand, describe on a sheet of paper all that is going on in your soul. When you are finished, burn the sheet.
№4 You have been forgiven at least once, haven’t you?
Nobody is perfect. We all have a skeleton in the cupboard. One person treated his parents unduly, another left one man for another, still another seduced a friend’s boyfriend. Remember how often you were sorry for such mistakes. Was it important for you to be forgiven by those whom you have offended? There is nothing deadly in the fact that you were offended, and that you have forgiven.
№5 Be stronger
“The weak can never forgive. Forgiveness is the attribute of the strong” — as Mahatma Gandhi put it once.
When you forgive, you become stronger compared to the offender. You are not the victim any longer, he is. Think for yourself: a happy person wouldn’t care to hurt other people. Your offender is just a weak personality who tries to do much harm to someone to feel the superiority.