How to Handle a Pessimist?


Hardships make you stronger, at least, this is what psychologists say. But there is a category of people who feed on misfortunes. Such people are constantly dissatisfied with something, they are tired of the world, they see utter darkness as their eye can see. And even if their life goes fine: there is a caring husband and children, material wealth, beauty, and health but for all that they suffer. A pessimist is a person who looks at everything in a negative way. It’s hard to communicate with such people, sometimes even impossible. They are capable to “load” with bad mood everybody who is nearby.

All is lost!

There is a category of pessimists that want to confirm the fact that their life is really as bad as it seems to them. For example, you meet a friend in a cafe. Having talked a little about some affairs, the friend begins to complain of her life. She does it unwillingly, but the amplitude is gradually growing, and you get her whole biography. Initially, you try to help her to find a way out, offering some real ideas. But then you understand that she wants to hear in response only your “All is lost!”.

The purpose of this manipulation is simple: your girlfriend wants attention, at the subconscious level she needs to receive an “excuse” for her procrastination. Of course, it is the easiest attitude to life. Why go to an advanced refresher course, learn English or Spanish, look for vacancies and send out CVs if it is possible just to tell: “I have a tedious job”?

How to cheer your friend up

You are luckier than me!

You meet a girlfriend in a café and decide to have a heart-to-heart talk while drinking a glass of wine. You tell her that you got the position of the bank department director, in the summer you have had a rest on Maldives, your boyfriend has proposed to you. When you are through, the girlfriend begins to complain of life, “seasoning” the story with words: “You were so lucky!”, “You see how you get help!”, “You were lucky that there was such a good young man!”. As a result, you begin to complain of life yourself, feeling guilty.

The purpose of this manipulation is to take advantage by showing that all your achievements are undeserved. You have received them because you had the luck, other reasons are not taken into consideration.

I am a bad person!

This kind of person is not so easy as the other types. He or she doesn’t complain in the open – only adds in some random words with negative connotation. A girlfriend answers your request in the following way: “I am a bad person what you want from me?”, your boyfriend says — “I am no good for you, I am a bad guy!”, “Why have you taken offense? I warned that you would not be happy with me!”

Instead of asking your friend to help, your boyfriend to devote you his attention and forget about himself, you begin to assure them that they are “precious”. Nobody understands them; that’s all.

Those who use this manipulation are trying to make a victim of themselves, do nothing and inflate their self-esteem at the expense of other people. Is your boyfriend is a bad person if he doesn’t give you flowers and gifts, doesn’t spend with you free time, doesn’t acquaint you with his parents? No! It is you who is to blame for you have chosen him, he warned you!

How to be a good friend?

How to treat a person for whom the life is never as it should be?

Stop rescuing losers! You will not have neither enough forces, nor time, nor money to save them all. Spend these resources for more important purposes — help an elderly neighbor, feed homeless animals. You will certainly help them more. When you are a lifeline for pessimists, you lose self-esteem and energy.

Ask yourself a few questions:

— Why do I need this communication?

— What do I get from it?

— Which manner of communication would I like most?

— Can I change the style of communication?

— Am I ready to lose my time trying to fix others’ problems?

If you don’t need this communication, stop or minimize it. Otherwise, you will have to participate in another person’s life. Remember that you are not the father or mother of your girlfriend, your colleague or darling. He is not 18 years old anymore, so he will have to bear the responsibility for his actions on his own. Each person takes the consequences of his progress and failures. You shouldn’t attend to them even if you can solve all the problems as if with a wave of a wand.

Your life is your choice! So you should learn to make decisions and to bear responsibility for them.


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