Almost each woman dreams of marriage. It doesn’t matter, whether it is a call of nature or a belief that she must establish a family. There are certain bonuses of which women dream when they mentally try on the role of a wife: stability and safety under the protection of the husband, motherhood and care of the child, an opportunity not to go to work, a new fur coat every month, and, of course, the eternal love.
Does the banal stamp in the passport have the magic force to turn the troubled and helpless little girl into a better being with the beautiful name “Wife”? Of course, no. Neither sincere oaths and sacred bonds, nor wedding rings, nor the first wedding-night make a wife.
The wife is a product of the man’s refined thinking. It is a social role, a mask which was thought up by men, that has obliged all women to try to correspond to this ideal. Besides, every young man doesn’t look for a simple, modest girl who can cook porridge. They want a beauty queen, a sexual fury and an Italian cook; all in one! Especially if their friend already has something similar. Men adore bragging: who has a better car, mobile phone, mistress or wife. To get the best wife is more important than to score with the most beautiful girl!
How should women act, how to become the ideal wife, how to conform to the high requirements and not to turn into a piece of furniture after the wedding?
For this purpose, it is enough to cease to seek the ideal. It is much better to be just a good wife, and it is reasonable to rebuff men with their excessive requirements. It is worth understanding and feeling the difference between “too much” and “moderately”. The qualities of the ideal in itself that are considered below are fine. They can do harm when they are glorified above all and because of that they degenerate after a while turning into the antipodes.
What qualities should a wife possess?
Men want that their wife was, first of all … faithful? Well, certainly!
Marital fidelity is one of the qualities of an ideal wife. Honesty is a quality of a real wife.
Mad jealousy accompanies pathological fidelity. These two words — “fidelity” and “jealousy” — are anagrams. Trying to correspond to this quality, the woman can turn into a victim, allowing the husband to do anything while remaining forgiving and patient. The second option is that the wife will become a bitch that attaches the unhealthy fidelity to the husband’s behaviour and is constantly jealous of him wherever he goes.
Honesty means sincerity and desire to understand the husband, and also the courage to tell the truth and to hear the truth. Paradoxically, but the probability of infidelity of an honest wife is less than that of a faithful one! One more paradox is the fact that the husband will be afraid to lose the faithful wife very much! And with the honest one he will have to be frank — she will tell the lie at once. A fair divorce is always better than the a scandalous marriage leading two faithful husbands in the whirlpool of mutual revenge. Honesty means recognition of your mistakes while fidelity is a quality for the sake of which people lie. This is an absurdity carried to its ultimate.
What else do men want of their wives? To be beautiful? Certainly.
Beauty is a quality of an ideal wife. Well-groomed appearance is a quality of a real wife.
There is a popular female belief: after the wedding it is possible not to put on make-up. Well, to some point that’s true: the aim is reached, as the man is a husband now, he should love you without make-up. Beautiful women are especially fast to relax, and it is not important whether their beauty is objective or subjective. This quality seems to give them some privileges before all other women and ensures the husband’s fidelity (see above), care and his love (see below).
The well-groomed wife is, first of all, a woman that respects herself. It concerns both external beauty and keeping her body in form, despite the third marriage, the second pregnancy and hard physical work in the kitchen. The beautiful wife, who thinks that she is an ideal, even if she takes care of herself, this is only to brag to girlfriends or to flirt with other men. The beautiful wife won’t stand the slightest criticism of her appearance, while a well-groomed one knows her worth, doesn’t envy and doesn’t seek to beat Miss Universe.
What else should the wife be? Kind, of course. This is a strong point…
Kindness is a quality of an ideal wife. Adequacy is a quality of a real wife.
Of course, we are talking about the all‑consuming kindness. Such a wife will seem at least strange, but someone will see her as Mother Theresa and the rescuer of the world. She can drag strays to the house because she is so compassionate, overfeed children because she wishes well to them, give away family money and joint property to churches, shelters, orphanages… In everyday life she will be silent, modest, she will never raise her voice, get angry or take offense. To put it briefly, she will be ideal.
The adequate wife is moderate in everything and doesn’t suppress her negative feelings when she needs to express them. For example, if the child has done wrong, he needs to be scolded. The reaction of mother will be adequate to what has occurred — no more, no less. She can fight back even the husband that has gone too far. The adequate wife can be both mild, and obstinate, and tender, and furious. She is just a mature person.
Let’s continue the list. We will challenge one of the greatest ideals of men — “the wife has to love children”.
Love to children is a quality of an ideal wife. Tenderness to the husband is a quality of a real wife.
This stereotype that seems so fine can be easily discarded thanks to an axiom that is easy to understand, but very difficult to apply in practice. The axiom goes: Children grow up happy in those families where their mother loves their father.
However, it is the wrong strategy to rush to extremes and to completely replace an ideal quality with a real one. Then it will turn out that the wife and the husband spend time cheerfully while their children are taken care of by grandmothers and grandfathers, teachers at school, nurses and tutors.
The problem arises when the woman who is completely subordinate to her maternal instinct forgets about the husband — he is used only as a car driver and a breadwinner. In this case, the child for her is a new world, especially if this is the first child, and she concentrates all her love on the baby. While the husband… he has suffered nine months, will suffer two-three years more.
No matter, whether the child can walk and speak. He can feel from the first seconds of life, and the best that he can feel is tenderness between his mother and his father. There is nothing that is so perfect; there is nothing more necessary for the baby. The love between his parents, not their love to him (still another paradox!) convinces the child that the love in this world exists.
Well, and the last one … Men soon remember that they don’t want to marry little fools! They want a kind, beautiful wife but she should be clever as well…
Cleverness is a quality of the ideal wife. The sense of humour is a quality of a real wife.
Marriage is a serious and responsible business. How to keep the cheerful attitude to life after the wedding? It is very difficult, almost impossible. You need to think of much now: how to live together, what to eat, where to go out and how to allocate the family budget. What if the wife also works (!), climbs the ladder (!!!), does scientific research? Well, it is great that she is no fool, and it is possible to discuss with her physics or chemistry.
Cleverness, intelligence are a woman’s male part, while intuition is a man’s female part. Most often smart women are those who have problems with their self-esteem and appearance — they compensate beauty by other achievements. The sense of humour is first of all a feeling that doesn’t submit to logic and intelligence. The wife can be fairly bright and at the same time be able to joke and laugh.
And only the woman that has a sense of humour will understand the irony of an opposition of this feeling and intelligence. One thing is for sure: the best is the enemy of the good, and a good wife is much more pleasant than an ideal one. At least, she is far more human, than men’s fantasies.