How To Avoid The Friend Zone?
The phrase “Let’s be just friends” is one of the most undesirable in a conversation between lovers. Mainly because, as practice shows, people rarely continue communication as friends. How to react if your boyfriend has suggested from now on to be just friends? Is it worthwhile to try to return him?
Friends or strangers?
Parting is one of the most dramatic moments in a relationship and it seems quite natural that both parties want to avoid anguish and disappointment. But how to resolve the problem if one of the partners is still confident that the relationship can be improved, and the other has already adjusted to the new life?
As love always assumes reciprocity, parting should, in this case, be considered one of the most logical options if it is gone. Attempting to avoid tears and reproaches from the one who has been deserted the initiator of parting can suggest “to be just friends”.
You shouldn’t be deceived, this beautiful phrase, in fact, is a diplomatic formulation meaning that the relationship is completely broken. The suggestion to be friends often serves one aim — to break off the relationship as gently as possible and to soften the blow on the partner’s feelings.
However, there is also a selfish component because when one suggests an ex to be friends, the man most often tries to avoid tears and prevent attempts to return him. It is one of the ways to leave easily and to break off the relationship which has lost its relevance in a positive way.
To tell the truth…
If you hear the suggestion to be just friends in response to an ardent declaration of love, admit honestly, at least to yourself, that your feelings don’t go both ways. Most likely, you will be able to communicate with the one who is so dear to your heart, but this man doesn’t need your love, that’s all. Perhaps, he has another woman, or you are not to his liking. If the man is interested in the continuation of the relationship, he won’t offer friendship.
Most likely, your man doesn’t have the guts to tell you that he isn’t ready to start a relationship with you, and this results in a “diplomatic game” in which nobody can win. Friendship assumes a sincere and open communication based on full confidence while you two have a lot of words unsaid. You feel awkward to break the fine line where friendship comes to an end and love begins. The man also feels the tension, because he perfectly understands that your feelings are not that of a friend. And as a result, the sincere and straightforward communication turns into false talk or complete avoiding of the new friend.
If your boyfriend has suggested being just friends, then the moment has come to take a reality check and to admit it however painful it may be. You and the object of your love have entirely different expectations from communication with each other. And if you aren’t ready to perceive the man only as friend, don’t be deceived and don’t create illusions. It is better to draw a line in this relationship.
Is it hope or self-deception?
However, it is not that easy to put a period to the relationship with a person you truly love. The hope to restore the relationship is adamant, and many women accept the offer to “be friends”. They see it as a pretext for further communication with the man, an opportunity to transfer the relationship from a friendly format to a romantic one. However, most psychologists are convinced that this is exceedingly rare.
If you are convinced that the relationship still can be restored, then you shouldn’t make it more complicated by mixing love with friendship. It is better to admit to the man that you aren’t ready to perceive him as a friend. You take a break in the relationship. Probably this way will be more difficult for you, but, at least, both of you will have an opportunity to think it over and not to hurt yourself by a false friendship.
This false friendship will not bring relief to the hard parting; it will only break your heart. If you accept being in the friend zone only because of the hope to restore the relationship, it often leads to self-deception.
If worse comes to worst, it is always better to take a break to analyze what has led to the parting and to plan your future actions. And if your feelings begin to cool down, then the parting was to the better, you will have new acquaintances, dates and unexpected turns in your love stories.