Everybody has parents. Education and the subsequent socialization always leave traces. The roots of those difficulties which adults face should be looked for in the past — namely, in their childhood, in their relations with parents and mistakes of their parents.
Some people don’t consider this factor a matter of importance, moreover, they think psychology is a pseudo-science. Perhaps, they just cannot look into their past without feeling shame and fear. Or it can be that some modern esoteric concept advises looking for an exit in the “present.”
What is the best attitude towards your past?
In reality, you cannot cross off either your childhood or the unconscious part of life. Therefore, the main way to overcome problems is to change the relation to what has happened earlier. And it is better to begin with parents and your relationship with them.
They do make mistakes because ideal parents don’t exist. And even knowing what follies can be committed, one isn’t always capable of refraining from the wrong choice. He or she is not to blame in this case, they can’t do otherwise or don’t want to.What do children suffer from when they become adults? We will consider the most serious mistakes that parents can make.
Biggest mistakes you can make as a parent:
First mistake – Unplanned pregnancy
The immaturity of a woman or a man (at times both) when they start a relationship often results in an unwanted child. The woman isn’t ready or doesn’t want to become a mother. He just forgot to take precautions. Abortion can’t be done (they consider it a sin) or it is too late, and it is inevitable that a child should be born. They hope that the love to the child will come when he or she is born. They hope grandmothers will help.
They don’t feel any responsibility, and, as a result, they fail to give the child the right education, they suffer, they get divorced. If they are fortunate. Otherwise, their children find themselves in the crowded orphanages.
Second mistake – Indifference
The indifference to the child can result from the previous mistake or can be a consequence of a strange belief that the child shouldn’t be brought up, that they will grow up without any help. As a result, at an early age, the child learns to survive independently. There is another option: the child is brought up by anyone, but not by his or her parents. Grandmothers, nurses, aunts, day nursery and kindergarten.
As a result, the child can mature early, and on the one hand, that is to their advantage. However, disadvantages are more numerous: it forms the inadequate idea of parents, such children feel shortage of true love and may be unwilling to have children themselves.
Third mistake – Hyper protection
It is the another extreme: the child is grown up in the atmosphere of total good and dependence on parents. They do everything for him or her, and as the child grows, the parents continue to see him as a helpless being who at any time can make some nonsense. As a result, this person is absolutely unadapted to life — that is, infantile. It is fraught with serious problems with self-realization, mental and even physical health in the future. Hyper protection is not about love — the parents have good intentions, but instead a strong and close-knit family they make the child’ life a nightmare.
Fourth mistake – Competition
The mother and father are battling with each other to find out who is better. They are eager to use any ways of discredit of the partner. The child serves as a lever and is forced to rush about from today’s good mother to tomorrow’s good father. As a rule, one of the parents wins the child over, and that at first hates the other parent, and then — the former. Because this parent loved him or her too much and didn’t let him or her to communicate with the other parent.
Usually, the mother incites the child against the father, and they are on friendly terms and plan against the father — the result is deplorable. The converse is also true if the “father hero” raises the children.
Fifth mistake – Punishment
Addition to point 4 — hyper protection. The child is punished on trifles, sometimes just to prevent misbehavior. He or she grows in fear and later can rebel later if he or she gains strength and incentive — and will revenge parents. The child becomes a tyrant or a maniac, compensating the fear, or an obedient slave hating himself and the world around.
Sixth mistake – Expectations
Parents often commit this mistake: they want to make their child into better copies of themselves. The child is allocated with those qualities of which parents didn’t manage to get hold of. He or she is sure to become a hero, a princess or to the father’s footsteps. Usually, the child grows up quite differently. If there are two children in the family, the younger often grows contrary to the senior. The senior pulls on himself the freight of parental expectations, and the younger has a really good time. Sometimes just on the contrary: the younger takes the burden. Anyway, you shouldn’t charge your child with the freight of fantastic expectations.
Seventh mistake – Deafness
This defect in the parents’ behavior is hardly noticeable among others; however, it partly follows from the previous one. His essence is that the father and mother are deaf to the desires and talents of their child. For example, they push him into all study groups without regard to his or her will. Their choice can be based on their hung expectations, or they can feel that foolish fear — that the child can mix with the wrong people and it will be better to make him or her study physics. Meanwhile, the child secretly reads books on architecture.
Eighth mistake – Requirement to repay a debt
The child grows up, revolts, makes connections, and wants a family of his or her own. Parents are ready to command: at first, repay us the debt! Even if you build relations, you have to call your mother every day. Even if you work and climb the ranks, give 70% of your salary to the father so that he could complete the construction of the house. Debt is a serious and complex thing. It is connected with the life foundations: the child wouldn’t survive without parents, and now he or she feels that the parents are right, while dislike for the parents, especially to the mother, is usually tabooed.
Ninth mistake – Offense
The offense reaches its heyday. The parent takes offense whenever the child doesn’t fulfill his requirements, and all this happens because the parent is still a child himself. When the teenager disobeys, it offends him personally. The parent and the child quarrel, sometimes cruelly, and now they are enemies forever. And everything began with the simple fact that the boy shirked music school, and the girl has brought home a kitten contrary to mother’s bans.
Tenth mistake – Non-performance of a natural task
The summary is that an incorrectly bred parent descends all the problems to the child. The parent doesn’t cope with the task of introducing an independent personality into the world. Nobody takes into account that this child gets psychological traumas.
Of course, there are no ideal parents. While trying to become one, he or she only aggravates the situation. However, it is possible to make fewer mistakes. It is possible to try, to apologize, to learn from mistakes. And it is obligatory to listen to the desires of your child. It is the most important thing to do. Children are personalities, as well as you, wait till they grow up.